ISSUE FOUR
Subject: WHY???? More Questions for our times
If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kitty litter?
If you take an Asian woman and spin her around several times, does she
become disoriented?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What hair colour do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? Why didn't Noah
swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink
and drive?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there Interstates in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why does it have
locks on the door?
Why is a bra singular and panties plural?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on air- planes? Why
don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
If a fire-fighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime, what does
a freedom fighter fight?
If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?
If a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?
If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights
on, what happens?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM?
Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called shipment,
but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an aeroplane? Why are they
called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
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The new father started to put down the lantern to hold his new off-spring
when the doctor said, "whoa there, don't be in a rush to put the lantern
down...I think there's yet another one to come."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. Once again the
new father started to put down the lantern to hold his new twins when
the doctor again said "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting
down that lantern...It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried
the doctor.
The father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor,
"Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"
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WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A POLICE OFFICER!
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good
job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be
a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning,
too!
9 . I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other
cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are. 10. When the Officer
says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably
shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been
eating doughnuts?"
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A guy was invited to some old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded
every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love,
Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
The guy was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years,
and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy, "I think
it's wonderful that after all these years you've been married, you still
call your wife those pet names."
His buddy hung his head.
" To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."
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Three Religious Truths:
1. The Jews don't recognize the Messiah.
2. Protestants don't recognize the Pope.
3. Two Baptists in a liquor store don't recognize each other.
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On the campaign trail, Hillary Clinton was pleased and proud that the
local sandwich shop in a town she was visiting had named a sandwich after
her. She was somewhat less pleased after she found out what was in it.
"Mostly baloney," said the proprietor.
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Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men, 12 pints of beer, and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
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After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation.
They are all asked the same question: "When you are in your casket, and
friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear
them say about you?"
The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say that
I was one of the great doctors of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband
and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy thinks a minute and replies, "I'd like to hear them say...
LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!!!
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Did You Hear About The Moron Who...
Took a new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.
Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter.
Got excited because he finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box
said '2 to 4 years'
Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out. Couldn't
call 911 because there is no 11 on any phone button.
When asked what the capital of California was; answered 'C'.
Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little
packets.
Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel.
Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said 'good
for up to 20 pounds'
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the
other swimmers were using their arms.
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What goes 'vroom-screech-vroom-screech-etc?
A woman at a flashing red light.
Two women are trying to get into their car using a coat hanger when one says 'hurry, it's starting to rain and the top is down'.
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A school teacher was a big Yankees fan and one day asked her kindergarden
class ³Who here is a Yankee fan?² Not really knowing what a Yankees fan
was but wanting to be just like their teacher, their hands explode into
the air like fleshy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy did not go along with
the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I'm not a Yankees fan."
Then, asks the teacher, what are you?
"Why I'm proud to be a Red Sox fan," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks
Lucy why she is a Red Sox fan.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Red Sox fans, and I'm a Red Sox fan too."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if
your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Lucy:
"I'd be a Yankees fan."